Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
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