Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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