I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
