I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
