O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
