They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
