i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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