yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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