Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
