Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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