I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
