you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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