Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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