He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
