3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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