Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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