just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
