so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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