I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
