you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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