He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
