Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize