He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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