remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
