After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
