So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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