I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
