I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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