In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
