He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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