Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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