I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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