I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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