I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
