I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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