we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
