Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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