Just fell off a train. Bad.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
