whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
