i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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