Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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