i already hear my dad disowning me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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