alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
