Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
