so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
