My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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