Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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