she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
