and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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