My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
