dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
