im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
