someone threw a dead crab at me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
