Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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