theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
