Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
