I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
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I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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