Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
