You really coming over, don't trick.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
