So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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