New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
