does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
